Last Friday night we decided we would attend a party at UVU. When we got there we immediately knew it was going to be a quality night. What gave us that hunch you might be asking? Probably the group of college students smoking cigarettes out front. Um are we in Provo anymore? Nope. Orem. We proceeded to go inside but only after getting yelled at by the guy at the door for 10 minutes for not having our I.D.'s.
First things first we headed to the karaeoke room. We discovered the karaeoke room was being shared with bull riding (not sure who thought up that combo but it wasn't really working together) and we saw a girl riding it with her but crack hangin out and everyone laughing. Me next? We think looked over to the corner at the karaeoke just in time to see one of our fellow t-birds (a boy might I add) stick in lady gaga and proceed to do the whole dance in all seriousness. No one was clapping, a few people were laughing, but most were just staring in shock.
We then met some boys in the hall and talked to them for a while only to hear one of the boys lean over the another and not so quietly whisper "I guess they are cute enough". Thanks guys thats so nice of you! Peace.
To our pleasure we then sat down for speed dating. What's your favorite color? Do you like Jello or pudding? What's your major? Where are you from? Can I look you up on facebook? Scuse me sir you have been sitting at my table for three rounds. You are SUPPOSED to switch.
After this night my friend
Julianne was kind enough to make me a dating application. Thanks girl! You're the best. It is perfect. You did not leave a thing out. Nope. So boys start sending em in. I'm ready.
Well ladies and gents here it is the moment you have been waiting for:
KENZIE RONEY NEEDS A HUSBAND
Must be 22 years of age and up.
Name:
Are you 22 yrs or older: yes no
Are you a return missionary?
If so, how long have you been home?
Do you go to UVU dances?
Where do you live?
How many girls have you kissed?
Do you own any necklaces?
If so, what do they look like?
Do you have a legit job?
Would you consider yourself a “provo all star”?
Do you have a criminal history?
Are you on any medications?
If so, what is it for?
Do you have a porn problem?
Do you attend the temple?
Do you still wear shirts that you wore in 9th grade?
Do you like school?
What are you going to major in?
Would you rather call or text?
Do you text & drive?
Are you in the military?
Do you have colorful tinted sunglasses?
Are you into “signs”? (ex. Zodiac, cander, etc.)
Do you cheat at school?
How many hrs do you spend on facebook?
Could you do the lady gaga dance if her song came on?
What were you for Halloween last year?
How many hours do you spend at the gym/tanning salon daily? Weekly?
Do you own a lasso?
Are you capable of calling and asking me out on a PLANNED date?
Have you ever been on 2 dates in one night?
Are you going to pack up camp and make any surprise moves anytime soon?
Do you know how many days, hours, minutes, & seconds your last breakup was?
Do you think you’re better than everyone else?
If we dated, and after we dated my friend started to like you, would you pursue my friend?
Do you like country music?
Are you into 2-week flings?
If I asked you to talk about your mission, could we openly talk about it?
Do you meet girls, somehow find out their names, and then secretly/creepily add them on facebook to get their numbers?
Do you have the guts to ask a girl for her number in person?
How many different ”kenzie”s do you have in your phone at the moment?
Are you a dancer?
Do you wear cologne of any kind?
Do you wear axe/bod for deodorant?
Sports player?
Do you like to watch some type of sport over others?
Do you even like sports? Any type?
Does your mom’s dad still have hair, or is he bald?
Are you the life of the party or the dud in the corner?
Do you dance nastily at “kik the block”?
Do you have edited music on your ipod?
Do you watch r-rated movies?
Do you swear?
Reference 1:
Reference 2:
Reference 3:
Thank you for your want and desire to date/marry kenzie. For your information..she likes bigger diamonds.
